confession

Here's my journey to healing and moving on:

After almost a year, I still can't say I have moved on quite well.  There are moments I would feel so alone even if surrounded by so many people.  But in this journey towards complete healing, I am more than grateful to my friends who've been with me since the day they first learned of what I'm going through.

I would have some lapses.  Sometimes I'd say I'm ok but my heart is telling me the opposite.  Sometimes it's very hard to pretend that such heartbreak has no impact in my life, when in truth it has.  It has changed who I am, and I'd like to note only the positive changes.  It has made me stronger,wiser and more sure of what and who I want in lofe.

No devastation can change the things I value much.  Not because I am single, I am desperately seeking someone to be with.

And not because I did not end up with the person I've been loving for half my life means I can't love again.

I've been trying to be open and see the goodness in each person I encounter.  I'd like to give every potential a fair chance.  But for as long as you are there and I know you are going through the same turmoil as I am, I can't move on, guilt hitting me harder.  I wish one day I'd just go numb of your presence, because knowing you're virtually there, just a buzz apart, doesn't help at all.

Why am I still affected of your existence?  Maybe because at the back of my mind I know that it will always be you I wish to be with for the rest of my life.