confession

Here's my journey to healing and moving on:

After almost a year, I still can't say I have moved on quite well.  There are moments I would feel so alone even if surrounded by so many people.  But in this journey towards complete healing, I am more than grateful to my friends who've been with me since the day they first learned of what I'm going through.

I would have some lapses.  Sometimes I'd say I'm ok but my heart is telling me the opposite.  Sometimes it's very hard to pretend that such heartbreak has no impact in my life, when in truth it has.  It has changed who I am, and I'd like to note only the positive changes.  It has made me stronger,wiser and more sure of what and who I want in lofe.

No devastation can change the things I value much.  Not because I am single, I am desperately seeking someone to be with.

And not because I did not end up with the person I've been loving for half my life means I can't love again.

I've been trying to be open and see the goodness in each person I encounter.  I'd like to give every potential a fair chance.  But for as long as you are there and I know you are going through the same turmoil as I am, I can't move on, guilt hitting me harder.  I wish one day I'd just go numb of your presence, because knowing you're virtually there, just a buzz apart, doesn't help at all.

Why am I still affected of your existence?  Maybe because at the back of my mind I know that it will always be you I wish to be with for the rest of my life. 

Thank you 2011

"Grateful for 2011, excited for 2012".

There went my facebook status update last New Year's day.  The past year could have been really tough, in fact a turning point in my life, yet I am greatly thankful for every experience, lesson and friends I gained along the way.  Let me share with you the year that was that greatly affected who I am today.

The first quarter saw a liberating light as I decided to take on drastic changes relationship-wise, irrespective of the painful consequences.  That experience is pivotal in my life as it opened my eyes and hearts to a whole new world of opportunities in career, business, relationships and self development.

Before the first quarter ended, I was offered a job less stressful and more challenging than what I previously had.  It was actually an answered prayer and was a surprise.  That job offer was one of the least expected, since I had no plans of moving to a new post last year. But truly, God knows what is best and I am more than grateful for the career shift.

pictorial after my violin recital

I also had my second violin recital the last week of February.  It felt good because I know I sounded far better than the first time I had my recital, thanks to my ever patient teacher and well-wishers who were present during the event.

By mid-year, I got to participate for a showchoir competition during the Singles for Christ Metro Manila Conference.  And as a bonus, our team won the grand prize.  It really felt good to know that through the endeavor, I helped some people feel good and confident about themselves and at the same time, share the talent the Lord has given me for His greater glory.

baby Jerone at 2 months

Also coincident with the Gloree showchoir preparations, I had my first public violin performance in GMA--a dream come true.  My classmate requested me to play along with her the Mga Kwentong Pambata ni Jose Rizal theme during the General Assembly.  After the event, I felt so elated to receive a lot of positive acclaim from friends and managers in the office.

September1, a new baby in the family was born.  Jerone Andrew, my sisters second son, is the cuddly bundle of joy who now takes most of my weekends.

By September, I got accepted for graduate school but eventually did not enroll due to schedule conflicts. Hopefully, this 2012, I can have my workshift adjusted to accommodate plans to pursue my MBA.

October, my business partners and I launched Sublime, a clothing line for the young, chic and budget-conscious fashionista.  My friends from Singles for Christ and I had put up our company GALZ and started joining bazaars to kick off our clothing line.

To end the our bazaar season, we took a quick break and headed far north in Ilocos.  Here I experienced more of God's love through the breathtaking beauty that was presented in front of me.

at the Paoay church in Ilocos

in Vigan, Ilocos Sur

I got to celebrate the Christmas season with my family, and hosted our first reunion in years.  I know that wherever Mama is now, she is very happy with the way things turned out in our clan after her death.

As of my lovelife, I know 2012 will be a very good year to work on that.  With fervent prayers, I know will find the one I can share my passion with.  For now, I will just continue to enjoy life and relish every moment in love and service of the Lord.

2012: it ain't the end of the world

Since the 2012 movie and the end of the world scare, if that may be true, I've been thinking and planning on how to make my life better and more meaning if given only a few months to enjoy it.  Instead of being anxious that the world will end soon, either by some cosmic collision or whatever, I am actually excited to carry out my 2012 plans.

I know that you are thinking this piece is some sort of New Year's resolution and I say that is partly true.  There are some things from the past I want to leave behind together with good ole 2011.  These include resentment, bitterness, tardiness and procrastination.  Yes, I'm a bit of everything there.  So here goes my 2012 aspirations, goals and action plans.

Family:

I will be more caring and attentive to their needs.  I'd love to have a regular and more often bondings with my nephews since I got too busy with the clothing business this last quarter of 2011.

Career:

Since my broadcasting career is just ok and somehow stable, it may take a back seat this year as I plan to finally get enrolled in the business school by April.  But first, I need to talk to my manager to have my schedule adjusted a bit so I can take the weekday classes.

Business:

2012 is the year to reach greater heights for Sublime and Bits of Beads.  As my partners and I took our first step this year by joining bazaars, we plan to take our business a few notches higher by doing new ventures, perhaps a new line, and exploring the options we haven't done before.

Service:

Since I already said yes to various services for next year, I pray for the strength, wisdom, humility and patience to lovingly carry out the tasks of a servant leader.  I hope that I may draw my members to a closer relationship with the Lord and a deeper experience of God's love in their lives, and hone them to be future leaders of the community as well.

Another thing that I am really looking forward to this year is being a part of the Singles for Christ International Conference 2012 program  team.  I was deeply honored, and at the same time humbled that I was handpicked to be a part of the team. I see it as an opportunity to give back since the Lord has been so generous to me, giving me the talents and resources I currently enjoy. 

Lovelife:

Well, I know this shouldn't be planned since love just comes to you when you're ready for it.  I guess after a liberating heartbreak, I can say that I am ready to fall in love and feel the kilig again.  Thus, I will be more open to the options given me and the signs the world is sending me.  So, whoever is up to be on this life's journey with me, you're just in time.  You might be the Casanova I've been waiting for. But that doesn't mean I will settle to the first person who'll come into my life. It will still take a lot of prayers and discernment to know with whom I should be or rather, where I really should be.

Personal improvement:

This year, i wish to learn a new skill: driving.  I plan to take driving lessons by mid-year and God-willing, I hope to buy my first car before the year ends.

Also, I plan to return to the music school by June this year.  I miss playing my violin.  But before that, I need to do a lot of warm-ups and refreshers.  My callouses are all gone now.

So far, these are the only plans I have in mind.  I know I can carry out everything in this to-do list with the help of our dear Lord who has been there for me, allowing me to achieve my dreams one step at a time.

PS: By the way, I don't believe that it will be the end of the world next year (see NASA's answer here).  The scare is just reminiscent of the Y2K, but here we are, still alive and enjoying life.  Anyway, should it really be the end of the world, shouldn't we start loving and loving like it's the last year?

Christmas in the air

Let's make it happen.

With a calamity striking southern Philippines recently, let's make our brothers and sisters affected by Sendong feel the warmth of Christmas by extending our help.

Here's how:

1. GMA Kapuso Foundation

Material donations may be delivered to the GMA Kapuso Foundation office Mondays to Fridays from 9:00 a.m. to 6:00 p.m. Monetary pledges may also be deposited through these banks:

• METROPOLITAN BANK & TRUST COMPANY (METROBANK)
• UNITED COCONUT PLANTERS BANK (UCPB)
• CEBUANA LHUILLIER (all branches nationwide)
• BANCO DE ORO (BDO)
• PHILIPPINE NATIONAL BANK (PNB)

2. For members of Couples for Christ ministries, we can also send our donations through www.cfchomeoffice.com/sendong and proceeds will be given to the CFC leaders we have in CDO and Iligan for relief operations. Local and International credit cards are accepted.

And most important of all, let us include in our prayers the recovery of the families affected by the typhoon, especially those who have lost their loved-ones, that they may see hope amidst the crisis.

2012 Planners

Yes, it the time of the year again when I do this careful selection of the planner that best fits my needs (and style).  So here are the planners in my list, I would need some help though.

1. Paolo Coelho Moments 2012 Day Planner

I am a fan of Coelho, having written several thought-provoking novels.  For only P950, you can get this planner that comes with Coelho's latest novel Aleph.  This planner has a very colorful cover that quite suits my exuberant personality, plus it features several notable quotes from his books.  With the pages lined and exquisitely designed, surely I'll maximize this planner.

2. Starbucks Planner

This year, the planners are smaller (but a bit heavier, in my opinion).  The planners come in 5 different earth-tone colors with a pouch made of sack cloth for more earth-friendly appeal.

photo courtesy: http://philippines.starbucks.com/en-US/

3.  Belle de Jour planner

I was a user of the Belle de Jour planner for two years and the planners really helped me keep track of many important things in my life in all aspects:  career, relationships, finances and health.  But year after year, the BDJ planner has become heavier (maybe because of the freebie coupons and the added features) so I decided to try other simpler (and lighter) planners. Nevertheless, sometimes I wish I'm using BDJ for some of the features my current planner doesn't have like the gift list, vacation planner and expenses tracker.

Here's a sneak peek of the 2012 Belle de Jour planner:

4. Navi Planner

From the makers of the BDJ planners come the planner for your guy, Navi Planner 2012.  Actually, I like this better than BDJ since it's more mature looking and simpler with the discount coupons of BDJ.  This planner is perfect for the adventurous soul with a fierce attitude.

5. Handprints Creation planner

Here's a multiply find, a planner for everyone.  You'll surely find a planner to suit your style.

All Pastel planner, for a sweetie kikay girl

Pink Caramel: sweet yet serious

5. Handy Dandy planners by Team Oh Snap

If you're the artsy type, here's the planner for you.  So cute you'd love to carry it around and check the planner so often.

For only P350, this planner's fully loaded with these features:
yearly calendar, 2012 list of goals, wish list, expense tracker, travel checklist,  summer bucket list, movies 2012, websites to visit, holiday gift list.

6.  The Moonleaf Planner
Ok, I confess, I'm a milk tea addict.  I always crave for Moonleaf's Pearl Milk Tea, like, I'd brave heavy downpour just to get hold of a cold yummy milk tea.  So when I learned they are releasing a planner, got so thrilled.  Here's the planner everyone's talking about (next to Starbucks, I  guess)

Here's to start the year right. I hope I have helped you choose the perfect planner for you (and your friends, if you're looking for a gift).  Happy 2012!

My Christmas wishlist 2011

With only a few days before Christmas and a hectic schedule, I can't even draft my wishlist in just one go.  Everything seems to fly so fast that I haven't even digested all the events of this year yet.

What do I really want for 2012?  Some said it will be the end of the world by then.  If that will be so, I'll have to be more concrete, and maybe a little bit more ambitious and at the same time hopeful that this list will be achieved next year.

the 13M 68 Roces townhouse

Ambitious mode:

- a car for my business

- a QC townhouse, a few minutes from the office

- Holy Land tour

- more beach trips

- a shopping escapade with unlimited budget

Reality check:

- enrollment in advanced violin class

- a superior quality violin

- schedule adjustment to accommodate marketing classes on weekdays

- gym membership

- a new pair of trainers and workout outfit
- trip to Korea with my sister

Proenza Schouler PS1 medium, the "it" satchel

I'm a material girl

- 15" Cambridge satchel in red

- Proenza Schouler PS1 medium leather in blue or orange

- Sisterhood of the Traveling pants series books

- Forever21 Hello Kitty collection

- Ipad2 wifi + 3g

Angry birds cupcake from Gooeyfudge

Simple joys:

- Chocolate oatmeal cookies

- Christmas parties with Sagip kids

- Angry birds cupcakes

- cutesy stationeries

- a bookshelf

But still, there really is nothing more I want this Christmas than my family to be complete and celebrating it together over a sumptuous noche buena lovingly prepared.  I also look forward to spending the first Christmas with the new boy in my life. Weee! excited to hug my nephew and see him clad in a Christmas-y outfit. La vita e bella! :)

Fears

"Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go." 1 Chronicles 28:20

When God is something to say to us, He often seems to begin by addressing our fear. Because fear usually keeps us from hearing or responding to what God wants us to hear.  We focus on the uncertainties, the pressure, the possibilities that could happen—the mountains—and we panic.

Listen to your Lord.  He’s trying to deal with that fear that has your heart and mind so tensed up that nothing can get in there—not even God’s voice.

Like a distraught little child cuddled in a parent’s arms, let your Father reassure you that there’s nothing facing you that He can’t handle.  He has the power to deliver you from all your fears.

- an excerpt from Jon Escoto's How to Find Extraordinary Joy @ Work