**I edited some lines to make this appropriate for print.
Hello there! ♥
I am a producer by profession and artista by ambition.
I’ve been in this community for almost two years. When I was a participant like you, this talk, (repentance and faith) is very pivotal, kumbaga, life-changing, U-turn o likuan-U ng buhay ko. It was said that when you repent, there follows a change in your life, lifestyle and values and almost 2yrs ago, when I was seated there, this talk changed my rigid perspective.
My life is like an episode of MMK. In fact, one of the producers of MMK went up to me asking permission to use my story in their program. But the price wasn’t right that time (just kidding). I just thought that time, wala pang magandang ending. Do you believe in happy endings? Kasi ako, gusto ko pag na-feature yung buhay ko, aside from the actor to portray the key characters of my life, I wanted it to be like a fairy tale, may happy ending. But what I will share tonight is not my whole MMK story. I will start not from the beginning, as in since birth kasi kulang ang oras natin. I will start with my involvement in the community, the start of the happily ever after part of my life.
Try this exercise: think of the person who has hurt you the most. How has this person hurt you? What would you want to do with this person? Curse him, forget this person. Others nga would want that person they hate so much dead. Now think of the person who you love so much. Ano naman yung mga bagay na gusto mo gawin for this person? Diba you’d give everything to that person? Diba you’d do everything just to please that person? Now here’s the challenge: why can’t we do the same to the people we hate? Why are those people we hate so hard to love? And you know what, I had a weird realization after that reflection: the same person I hated so much is the same person I love. Sabi nga sa tweet ni @joedmango2010: The person who can hurt you most is the person whom you love the most. Totoo naman diba? Example, what if your boyfriend didn’t text you all day, o di sinasagot yung calls mo, o hindi ni-like yung status mo sa facebook diba magtatampo ka na o it could lead to umaatikabong away. E kung yung boss mo ang gumawa nun sayo: di ka tinext o di nag-return call. Magagalit ka ba? Hindi naman diba? Matutuwa ka pa nga kasi hindi ka nya pinapansin. Here’s more, what if iniwan ka nung boyfriend o girlfriend mo, as in super bad breakup. Diba you’d like to have that EX be exiled to as far as Timbuktu so you won’t see him anymore? Just the thought of that person annoys you. E bf/gf pa lang yun, what is it’s someone sobrang close sayo, someone na karugtog ng buhay mo? What if it is like in my case, it is your Mama?
Mama and I weren’t getting along well. Tuwing magkikita kami lagi kami nag-aaway kaya I’d rather not go home kahit weekends. After hearing this talk, napaisip ako. OMG! What kind of daughter had I been? Si Mama yung binigay ni Lord sa akin na dapat blessing ko, what have I done. Hindi ko man lang napahalagahan, hindi ko man lang minahal.
So that night, I prayed hard. Sabi ko, Lord, please give me a chance na bumawi. Pramis, magpapakabait na ako. Bigyan mo lang ako ng chance Lord.
Sumunod na week, mas madalas na ako umuwi sa amin sa Cavite to see her more often na rin. If magaan ang workload, I’d go home and bring her things na gusto nya as pasalubong. But the next weekend was different turned our lives around. Pag-uwi ko, I noticed she’s different: parang wala sa sarili nya and medyo weak sya. I asked her how she was, musta ang week nya, ang activities nya. And she can’t give me a straight answer. Sabi ko, “ano ba Mama, naka-drugs ka ba?” I even sniffed the air in the room to check kung may kakaibang substance sa bahay. Talagang pinag-isipan ko pa ng masama ang nanay ko. Until I asked her “Mama, sino ako? Anong pangalan ko?” She answered, “hindi ko alam e. di ko matandaan. Pero ang alam ko ANAK kita.” Those words made tears rolling down my cheeks. That was Mama’s first attack of stroke. Anong klaseng anak kaya ako sa pagkakatanda nya? Yung mabait at nagbagong buhay nang anak o yung masama pa rin, the one who answered back? When she can’t remember even my name, what memories of me had she retained?
Grabe talaga si Lord, ang bilis sumagot sa mga prayers. Imagine 2wks ago lang, I was asking for that chance para bumawi kay Mama. And I was indeed given that chance. With her stroke, she had an amnesia. I had to teach her the basics: the alphabet, numbers and the days of the week, how to count, read and use the cellphone. I’d wake up as early as 5am to prepare her meals (may special diet sya) at sleep at 1am after her last injection of insulin. In God's ultimate wisdom, I was made experience how my Mama was to me when I was little. Gusto ko bumawi diba, so there was like a reversal of roles: I’d change her diapers, prepare her food, give her a bath, carry her around in a wheelchair.
For a year, in and out si Mama sa hospital, sa ICU. Hands on ako pagbabantay sa kanya, sa pag-administer ng gamot. Once, pinasok sya sa MRI room, only me and her and I was pumping her oxygen. Parang naka-depend sa akin yung buhay nya. What if I stopped pumping? I’d lose her. I’d even negotiate my work shifts sa ofc kasi I had to do night shift sa pagbabantay kay Mama nung lumabas na sya sa hospital. Sobrang sacrifice. That’s when I realized na sobrang mahal ko ang taong ito, I’d do everything for this person. Why did I waste almost 28 years of my life hating her?
Last March, she went back to our Creator. And I know, in that brief moment that we’re tested with struggles, I showed her that I love her so much. On her deathbed, I asked for her forgiveness and told her that I’ve forgiven her likewise. That was the most peaceful moment we had together. And I hope nakabawi na ako sa kanya for all the things she’d given me, above everything, my life.
And for that, may God be praised. ☺
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