Springtime

Very apt for what I am feeling right now.  After so many months of contemplating (and some whining in between), I know I have found peace and confidence to face the world again.  The Lord has been so merciful to me that in my journey towards healing, I feel His presence closer and closer each day.

How can I best describe this feeling?  It's really like springtime.  After the autumn and fall in my life , I was shown a multitude of options. And this openness to change has led to where I am now.  I found new friends, some even became my closest and I am sure will stay with me for the rest of my life.  I feel I have attracted the things I pray for. Now, with more time in my hands, I can reconnect with old passions and explore new ones.

Most important of all, I am very much thankful for all the undeserved blessings I received:  finding great business partners, supportive family and a budding love interest.

Indeed, I am richly blessed that I must pay it forward. My only prayer now is that others may see God's greatness through the wonders He's done in my life, being with me during my lowest through the struggles until I reached total healing.

Prayer of Sacrifice

Lord of the Holy Sacrifice, your saving oblation on the cross has given me new life. May I always recall your holy sacrifice on the cross and do it in remembrance of you. When tempted by selfishness, inspire me to be taken as an unworthy sacrifice. When burdened by envy, let me become an instrument of blessing for others. When afflicted by anger and pride, grant me the humility to be broken and given for others. When unsettled by anguish and troubled by worries, give me encouragement.

May your Spirit move my heart to see in your outstretched arms your loving embrace of everyone that I, too, may welcome others with the same love in an open hand. Teach my mind and direct my will to humbly endure the pain of undeserved suffering even when my intent was good and done what is right. May I understand that it is in the holy sacrifice of your wounds that my brokenness is healed. May I see in your sacrifice on the cross not only death and defeat but victory and life.

Loving Father, may the holy sacrifice of your Son cleanse my soul, strengthen my heart, pardon my past and restore me in your peace. May I always adore you by uniting myself in His holy sacrifice, the sacrament of your divine love. May I learn to sacrifice my own comfort, plans and dreams if it is not for your glory and the good of others.

With Mary, the mother of Jesus, who joined her heart with the sacrifice of her Son, may I become a holy sacrifice of love and service for others. Gathered around the altar of love, may all be united in listening to your word and sharing the one bread and cup and become one people, offering one holy sacrifice. Amen.

Fr. Raymond Arre
Parish of the Holy Sacrifice
University of the Philippines
Solemnity of Corpus Christi
June 18, 2006

confession

Here's my journey to healing and moving on:

After almost a year, I still can't say I have moved on quite well.  There are moments I would feel so alone even if surrounded by so many people.  But in this journey towards complete healing, I am more than grateful to my friends who've been with me since the day they first learned of what I'm going through.

I would have some lapses.  Sometimes I'd say I'm ok but my heart is telling me the opposite.  Sometimes it's very hard to pretend that such heartbreak has no impact in my life, when in truth it has.  It has changed who I am, and I'd like to note only the positive changes.  It has made me stronger,wiser and more sure of what and who I want in lofe.

No devastation can change the things I value much.  Not because I am single, I am desperately seeking someone to be with.

And not because I did not end up with the person I've been loving for half my life means I can't love again.

I've been trying to be open and see the goodness in each person I encounter.  I'd like to give every potential a fair chance.  But for as long as you are there and I know you are going through the same turmoil as I am, I can't move on, guilt hitting me harder.  I wish one day I'd just go numb of your presence, because knowing you're virtually there, just a buzz apart, doesn't help at all.

Why am I still affected of your existence?  Maybe because at the back of my mind I know that it will always be you I wish to be with for the rest of my life. 

Thank you 2011

"Grateful for 2011, excited for 2012".

There went my facebook status update last New Year's day.  The past year could have been really tough, in fact a turning point in my life, yet I am greatly thankful for every experience, lesson and friends I gained along the way.  Let me share with you the year that was that greatly affected who I am today.

The first quarter saw a liberating light as I decided to take on drastic changes relationship-wise, irrespective of the painful consequences.  That experience is pivotal in my life as it opened my eyes and hearts to a whole new world of opportunities in career, business, relationships and self development.

Before the first quarter ended, I was offered a job less stressful and more challenging than what I previously had.  It was actually an answered prayer and was a surprise.  That job offer was one of the least expected, since I had no plans of moving to a new post last year. But truly, God knows what is best and I am more than grateful for the career shift.

pictorial after my violin recital

I also had my second violin recital the last week of February.  It felt good because I know I sounded far better than the first time I had my recital, thanks to my ever patient teacher and well-wishers who were present during the event.

By mid-year, I got to participate for a showchoir competition during the Singles for Christ Metro Manila Conference.  And as a bonus, our team won the grand prize.  It really felt good to know that through the endeavor, I helped some people feel good and confident about themselves and at the same time, share the talent the Lord has given me for His greater glory.

baby Jerone at 2 months

Also coincident with the Gloree showchoir preparations, I had my first public violin performance in GMA--a dream come true.  My classmate requested me to play along with her the Mga Kwentong Pambata ni Jose Rizal theme during the General Assembly.  After the event, I felt so elated to receive a lot of positive acclaim from friends and managers in the office.

September1, a new baby in the family was born.  Jerone Andrew, my sisters second son, is the cuddly bundle of joy who now takes most of my weekends.

By September, I got accepted for graduate school but eventually did not enroll due to schedule conflicts. Hopefully, this 2012, I can have my workshift adjusted to accommodate plans to pursue my MBA.

October, my business partners and I launched Sublime, a clothing line for the young, chic and budget-conscious fashionista.  My friends from Singles for Christ and I had put up our company GALZ and started joining bazaars to kick off our clothing line.

To end the our bazaar season, we took a quick break and headed far north in Ilocos.  Here I experienced more of God's love through the breathtaking beauty that was presented in front of me.

at the Paoay church in Ilocos

in Vigan, Ilocos Sur

I got to celebrate the Christmas season with my family, and hosted our first reunion in years.  I know that wherever Mama is now, she is very happy with the way things turned out in our clan after her death.

As of my lovelife, I know 2012 will be a very good year to work on that.  With fervent prayers, I know will find the one I can share my passion with.  For now, I will just continue to enjoy life and relish every moment in love and service of the Lord.

2012: it ain't the end of the world

Since the 2012 movie and the end of the world scare, if that may be true, I've been thinking and planning on how to make my life better and more meaning if given only a few months to enjoy it.  Instead of being anxious that the world will end soon, either by some cosmic collision or whatever, I am actually excited to carry out my 2012 plans.

I know that you are thinking this piece is some sort of New Year's resolution and I say that is partly true.  There are some things from the past I want to leave behind together with good ole 2011.  These include resentment, bitterness, tardiness and procrastination.  Yes, I'm a bit of everything there.  So here goes my 2012 aspirations, goals and action plans.

Family:

I will be more caring and attentive to their needs.  I'd love to have a regular and more often bondings with my nephews since I got too busy with the clothing business this last quarter of 2011.

Career:

Since my broadcasting career is just ok and somehow stable, it may take a back seat this year as I plan to finally get enrolled in the business school by April.  But first, I need to talk to my manager to have my schedule adjusted a bit so I can take the weekday classes.

Business:

2012 is the year to reach greater heights for Sublime and Bits of Beads.  As my partners and I took our first step this year by joining bazaars, we plan to take our business a few notches higher by doing new ventures, perhaps a new line, and exploring the options we haven't done before.

Service:

Since I already said yes to various services for next year, I pray for the strength, wisdom, humility and patience to lovingly carry out the tasks of a servant leader.  I hope that I may draw my members to a closer relationship with the Lord and a deeper experience of God's love in their lives, and hone them to be future leaders of the community as well.

Another thing that I am really looking forward to this year is being a part of the Singles for Christ International Conference 2012 program  team.  I was deeply honored, and at the same time humbled that I was handpicked to be a part of the team. I see it as an opportunity to give back since the Lord has been so generous to me, giving me the talents and resources I currently enjoy. 

Lovelife:

Well, I know this shouldn't be planned since love just comes to you when you're ready for it.  I guess after a liberating heartbreak, I can say that I am ready to fall in love and feel the kilig again.  Thus, I will be more open to the options given me and the signs the world is sending me.  So, whoever is up to be on this life's journey with me, you're just in time.  You might be the Casanova I've been waiting for. But that doesn't mean I will settle to the first person who'll come into my life. It will still take a lot of prayers and discernment to know with whom I should be or rather, where I really should be.

Personal improvement:

This year, i wish to learn a new skill: driving.  I plan to take driving lessons by mid-year and God-willing, I hope to buy my first car before the year ends.

Also, I plan to return to the music school by June this year.  I miss playing my violin.  But before that, I need to do a lot of warm-ups and refreshers.  My callouses are all gone now.

So far, these are the only plans I have in mind.  I know I can carry out everything in this to-do list with the help of our dear Lord who has been there for me, allowing me to achieve my dreams one step at a time.

PS: By the way, I don't believe that it will be the end of the world next year (see NASA's answer here).  The scare is just reminiscent of the Y2K, but here we are, still alive and enjoying life.  Anyway, should it really be the end of the world, shouldn't we start loving and loving like it's the last year?

Christmas in the air

Let's make it happen.

With a calamity striking southern Philippines recently, let's make our brothers and sisters affected by Sendong feel the warmth of Christmas by extending our help.

Here's how:

1. GMA Kapuso Foundation

Material donations may be delivered to the GMA Kapuso Foundation office Mondays to Fridays from 9:00 a.m. to 6:00 p.m. Monetary pledges may also be deposited through these banks:

• METROPOLITAN BANK & TRUST COMPANY (METROBANK)
• UNITED COCONUT PLANTERS BANK (UCPB)
• CEBUANA LHUILLIER (all branches nationwide)
• BANCO DE ORO (BDO)
• PHILIPPINE NATIONAL BANK (PNB)

2. For members of Couples for Christ ministries, we can also send our donations through www.cfchomeoffice.com/sendong and proceeds will be given to the CFC leaders we have in CDO and Iligan for relief operations. Local and International credit cards are accepted.

And most important of all, let us include in our prayers the recovery of the families affected by the typhoon, especially those who have lost their loved-ones, that they may see hope amidst the crisis.

Fears

"Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go." 1 Chronicles 28:20

When God is something to say to us, He often seems to begin by addressing our fear. Because fear usually keeps us from hearing or responding to what God wants us to hear.  We focus on the uncertainties, the pressure, the possibilities that could happen—the mountains—and we panic.

Listen to your Lord.  He’s trying to deal with that fear that has your heart and mind so tensed up that nothing can get in there—not even God’s voice.

Like a distraught little child cuddled in a parent’s arms, let your Father reassure you that there’s nothing facing you that He can’t handle.  He has the power to deliver you from all your fears.

- an excerpt from Jon Escoto's How to Find Extraordinary Joy @ Work

11.11.11 (unabridged)

To be honest, I waited for a long time for this day to come, perhaps hoping that something really good will happen.

Maybe I'd get to my dream destination, a grand vacation with the person I care most about.

Or how about walking the aisle to say vows with him?

Hah?!  Of course that didn't happen.  And that never will.

But then something good came out of 11.11.11.

Had a great bonding time with my friends in the church community I am in, and a very fruitful business meeting with my partners. Also had a very hearty breakfast chat with my family that morning, a rare occasion for me.

I realized, why do I keep looking for happiness elsewhere when it is actually right in front of me.  Why do I waste my time sulking in loneliness when in fact I am surrounded with loving and caring family and friends. The Lord has constantly blessed me with so many good things, some even undeserved, but I keep focusing on what I've lost that I fail to see the blessings I already have.

Knowing who esteems me high, I won't need to go searching for love somewhere else. I guess I should also give up my futile attempts to reconcile differences from the past that I know will never find their places.  

Someday, I will be complete and totally healed.  And hopefully soon, I can share myself again with someone as whole as I am.

Benefit Bazaar

I always wanted to mount a bazaar. But I never thought my first will be for a cause.

Call for pledges banner

It is so overwhelming to hear the positive responses from the people I tapped for this activity. Everyone's enthusiastic to take part in this sale, as well as looking forward to the improvement of Baby Yzrael's health. 

It is once again proven that during tough times people get together to care for a friend, a brother or sister in the community, or a relative, even if they are in the midst of their own concerns too.  I once got a test message that says, 

"Love won't run out.  In moments when you feel like you have given and given until there is no more of yourself to give, remember that love won't run out. God has an infinite amount of love for you and for you to pass on to others.  Even at times when the well seems dry, God can send a flood.  Let the flood of love wash over you and drench everyone around you."

Indeed, the Lord has flooded this world with so much love.

And may God bless you more.

leader

The challenge of leadership is to be strong, but not rude; be kind, but not weak; be bold, but not a bully; be thoughtful, but not lazy; be humble, but not timid; be proud, but not arrogant; have humor, but without folly. ---Jim Rohn

This week in our household, we discussed the traits that we look for in a leader.  And here are our ideals:

consistent
 - practices what he preaches

persistent
 - and persevering

flexible
 - can adapt to different personalities in the group he is handling

happy
 - not grumpy; diffuses fumes of happiness in the group

open
 - openness to suggestions and being able to put himself in the shoes of other people

genuine
 - can tell you point-blank what's good and bad in you

sincere
 - can communicate with you with utmost sincerity, can emphatize at your highest and lowest moments

humble
 - leadership is service

not self-centered
 - thinks not only of his own welfare but also of others.  Can sacrifice for the group.

Now that a lot of us are being called to be leaders, I hope that when it's my turn to be one, I can be guided by these points so that I can be the best person I can be.

Patience

Whoever has perpetual patience must be a god. Because with people committing sins everyday, only a merciful God can forgive us even if we offend Him repeatedly.

Patience is indeed a virtue and according to Wiki, virtue is “moral excellence”. To have patience is synonymous to having a superior level of maturity, wisdom and humility. I also believe a person’s patience manifests his intensity of faith in the Lord, leaving to His hand the daily course of life and that things will go ok in the end.

Everyday is a struggle to be patient: from daily routines of waiting for the bus or driving along a traffic highway, falling in long queues in the train station, fast food and ATMs, to the long search of a perfect partner. Even in the office, my patience is tested whenever I encounter difficult clients and sluggish co-workers. Each time I feel like blurting a nasty remark towards those who test my patience, I try my best to pause, bite my lip, count up to 10 (to give me ample time to think and rethink my comment) before I say something. And to keep my poise and sanity in check, I pray for patience.

So let me share with you a good prayer for patience:

Lord, teach me to be patient - with life, with people, and with myself. I sometimes try to hurry things along too much, and I push for answers before the time is right. Teach me to trust Your sense of timing rather than my own and to surrender my will to Your greater and wiser plan. Help me let life unfold slowly, like the small rosebud whose petals unravel bit by bit, and remind me that in hurrying the bloom along, I destroy the bud and much of the beauty therein.

Instead, let me wait for all to unfold in its own time. Each moment and state of growth contains a loveliness. Teach me to slow down enough to appreciate life and all it holds. Amen

Source: http://acatholiclife.blogspot.com