First Love

They say that first love never dies.  I can also say that it holds true for me.

For several months I stayed away from my passions only to find myself reconnecting to it.

Just recently, I got involved in the production of a short film.  This project is another first for me, though I'm not quite new to this field.  I've been involved in several shoots before but all related to my work as a broadcast producer for promo plugs.  This short film is very close to my heart, not only because I headed the project and wrote the script, but it led to a wonderful discovery that this is one heck of a passion I never dared to give a chance before.  And now, I am glad that I did. I am delighted to know also that my co-director shares the same dream and passion, and it's really good that this project turned someone's vision into reality.

Also, this short film project got me missing college and the university organization that honed me. 

Lately, I've been searching for schools to enroll in again.  Around this time last year, I was applying for a dream course.  But fate won't allow me, and I know why He had to delay my plans.  So now, I've been looking around for some school that offer me a theater arts or a marketing communications masters degree to fit my schedule.

Early this week, I discovered a local theater group with an advocacy program directed to children's welfare.  That really piqued my interest and got me thinking of signing up.  And it made me realize I should enroll in my marketing course soon.  As I recall the personal statement I submitted, my intended research will focus on children's theater.

Last week, I got to play my violin again.  With the callouses in my fingers all gone now, it was hard at first.  On Youtube, the Vitamin String Quartet uploaded several new videos and they got me so inspired again.  Also, I got to download music sheets of Adele's Someone Like You and Bruno Mars's It Will Rain.

With more time in my hands now, I feel that I can focus on these passions that keep me in high spirits. I will continue to perfect my craft, while I wait for the next passion, love interest or activity to occupy my life.

my ironic Great God experience

There are things beyond our control, even when we have prepared well and studied every detail in such obsessive compulsiveness.  Perhaps frustration springs from high expectations from oneself and overconfidence.

This truth I have to accept:  My God is greater than all the experts' powers combined.    After all, the talents we possess are from Him.  I worked with really great professionals in the events field and yet, in just one snap, everything turned out different from what I envisioned it to be.

I learned it the hard way.  I was made to realize this fact in a way that I'd really dwell on the frustration, with guilt hitting me for hurting some people along the way.  Maybe I've gone overboard.  I have been so focused on excellence in my output that I forgot that the best way to proclaim His greatness is through the kind of relationship I had with my team.  Did I become Christ to them during the event?  Or was I the wicked little devil manning the booth with my dirty hands and heart?  

With this, I am deeply sorry.  I may have the best intentions, or the most qualified reasons but the way I had behaved is not excusable.  I just pray that someday, these people I've hurt will realize that I don't intend to demean them.  Those fits are pure work.

How does the Great God enter the picture?  It is when I realized I was wrong, I know I can still make up for those transgressions.  After all, my God is a God of second chances. I may not handle the same event and the same team again but I know I can still channel Christ through my daily activities, words, thoughts and deeds.  

Also, I was made to realize that God was in my life all along though the bountiful blessings He has showered me.  I was taken out of my comfort zone to realize that I was richly blessed with a comfortable life, a good career, sets of great friends, a supportive family and a well-provided life.   Now with this experience, I begin to appreciate the life in front of me deeper and thus, I need to share more with the people around me.

And because I have a Great God, I know that tomorrow will be a better day.  I need not look back.

Happy Hearts

Today we celebrate Valentines Day.  Instead of being bitter and sad because I have no special someone to spend it with, I am excited.  I take this day a chance to examine the posture of my heart.  Instead of frowning upon seeing lovebirds so sweet to other, I relish this day to enjoy singlehood the best way I can. I take it as a blessing, being open to so may possibilities life has to offer.  Being unattached makes me see the best in everyone, not limiting myself to see only the one I'm with as the best.  Thus, I realize that I am surrounded by these beautiful people: caring, generous, understanding and really God-fearing friends I can treasure for life. Among these friends I can perhaps pick out the one, and who knows, maybe he's the one the Lord has been saving for me, and preparing me for.  In the first place, I prefer my future partner to be a real deal of a friend, someone I can have great conversations and adventures with, someone with whom I can share the same passions, support the same causes, and believe and serve the same God.

I know it will be a long and hard process of discerning who is the best partner for me, but with deep prayers and some hard work and patience, I will be led to the one person I deserve, and deserves all my love.

Happy hearts' day everyone.

Springtime

Very apt for what I am feeling right now.  After so many months of contemplating (and some whining in between), I know I have found peace and confidence to face the world again.  The Lord has been so merciful to me that in my journey towards healing, I feel His presence closer and closer each day.

How can I best describe this feeling?  It's really like springtime.  After the autumn and fall in my life , I was shown a multitude of options. And this openness to change has led to where I am now.  I found new friends, some even became my closest and I am sure will stay with me for the rest of my life.  I feel I have attracted the things I pray for. Now, with more time in my hands, I can reconnect with old passions and explore new ones.

Most important of all, I am very much thankful for all the undeserved blessings I received:  finding great business partners, supportive family and a budding love interest.

Indeed, I am richly blessed that I must pay it forward. My only prayer now is that others may see God's greatness through the wonders He's done in my life, being with me during my lowest through the struggles until I reached total healing.

confession

Here's my journey to healing and moving on:

After almost a year, I still can't say I have moved on quite well.  There are moments I would feel so alone even if surrounded by so many people.  But in this journey towards complete healing, I am more than grateful to my friends who've been with me since the day they first learned of what I'm going through.

I would have some lapses.  Sometimes I'd say I'm ok but my heart is telling me the opposite.  Sometimes it's very hard to pretend that such heartbreak has no impact in my life, when in truth it has.  It has changed who I am, and I'd like to note only the positive changes.  It has made me stronger,wiser and more sure of what and who I want in lofe.

No devastation can change the things I value much.  Not because I am single, I am desperately seeking someone to be with.

And not because I did not end up with the person I've been loving for half my life means I can't love again.

I've been trying to be open and see the goodness in each person I encounter.  I'd like to give every potential a fair chance.  But for as long as you are there and I know you are going through the same turmoil as I am, I can't move on, guilt hitting me harder.  I wish one day I'd just go numb of your presence, because knowing you're virtually there, just a buzz apart, doesn't help at all.

Why am I still affected of your existence?  Maybe because at the back of my mind I know that it will always be you I wish to be with for the rest of my life. 

Fears

"Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go." 1 Chronicles 28:20

When God is something to say to us, He often seems to begin by addressing our fear. Because fear usually keeps us from hearing or responding to what God wants us to hear.  We focus on the uncertainties, the pressure, the possibilities that could happen—the mountains—and we panic.

Listen to your Lord.  He’s trying to deal with that fear that has your heart and mind so tensed up that nothing can get in there—not even God’s voice.

Like a distraught little child cuddled in a parent’s arms, let your Father reassure you that there’s nothing facing you that He can’t handle.  He has the power to deliver you from all your fears.

- an excerpt from Jon Escoto's How to Find Extraordinary Joy @ Work

The Little Prince

photo courtesy: wikipedia

 Some quotes from the book that best describe what I feel this moment:

"Les hommes ont oublié cette vérité, dit le renard. Mais tu ne dois pas l’oublier. Tu deviens responsable pour toujours de ce que tu as apprivoisé."

"Men have forgotten this truth," said the fox. "But you must not forget it. You become responsible, forever, for what you have tamed." 

"Voici mon secret. Il est très simple: on ne voit bien qu'avec le cœur. L'essentiel est invisible pour les yeux "

Here is my secret. It is very simple: It is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye

"Mais les yeux sont aveugles. Il faut chercher avec le cœur"

But the eyes are blind. One must look with the heart

So much for taming the foxes and the roses with thorns, I feel responsible forever for the people, things, places and events I have been a part of.   

"It is the time you have wasted for your rose that makes your rose so important." 

"You know — my flower... I am responsible for her. And she is so weak! She is so naïve! She has four thorns, of no use at all, to protect herself against all the world.."

Thank you my Little Prince.

My First Bazaar

This is quite unexpected.  I never planned to join bazaars this Christmas season but the unexpected turn of events led me to signing up to a series of bazaars with my new business partners.  In fact, our partnership is quite a surprise too.  After we've worked on the charity vintage bazaar, a few of my sisters in the Singles for Christ community tapped me to join forces with them and thus the GALZ group, taken from the last letters of our names (A from Imelda, Z from Emiluz and L from Hazel).  We've added "G" to remind us that our ultimate Boss in this endeavour is God who has led us to each other.

The greatest lesson I've learned so far in this venture is to always bear in mind your objective that is not the selfish motive. There is always a deeper reason for getting into business aside from earning a living.  In this case, the GALZ girls and I share the same passion of inspiring young entrepreneurs in our community to step out of the comfort zone and finally live their dreams.  And I must say that after a few weeks of getting our hands work for our business, we've already inspired a lot of brothers and sisters in the community to try going into business aside from getting busy with our day jobs.  And in a month's time, we've already got a few business proposals, mergers and publicity support from the people in and out of the community.

I still can't say the monetary success of our efforts, but I know with the lessons we've learned from the experience, the GALZ can always venture into more profitable endeavors armed with the skills and learnings, and most of all, guided by the grace of God.

11.11.11 (unabridged)

To be honest, I waited for a long time for this day to come, perhaps hoping that something really good will happen.

Maybe I'd get to my dream destination, a grand vacation with the person I care most about.

Or how about walking the aisle to say vows with him?

Hah?!  Of course that didn't happen.  And that never will.

But then something good came out of 11.11.11.

Had a great bonding time with my friends in the church community I am in, and a very fruitful business meeting with my partners. Also had a very hearty breakfast chat with my family that morning, a rare occasion for me.

I realized, why do I keep looking for happiness elsewhere when it is actually right in front of me.  Why do I waste my time sulking in loneliness when in fact I am surrounded with loving and caring family and friends. The Lord has constantly blessed me with so many good things, some even undeserved, but I keep focusing on what I've lost that I fail to see the blessings I already have.

Knowing who esteems me high, I won't need to go searching for love somewhere else. I guess I should also give up my futile attempts to reconcile differences from the past that I know will never find their places.  

Someday, I will be complete and totally healed.  And hopefully soon, I can share myself again with someone as whole as I am.

Delays

I hate delays.  With my rigid and well-planned hectic schedule, I ought to have much patience to deal with them.  But recently, I've learned to accept delays as part of God's greater plan.

Here's how delays changed my life:

1.  I had to delay my enrollment for the business school for another term due to schedule conflicts. The program coordinator offered me two options: either I fix my work schedule so I can come to school in the evening or take a new program offering a weekend class.  Should I go with the first option, I only had two days to negotiate with my boss my workshift (omg, that is not possible!). So I chose option 2.  I had to condition myself to like and embrace whole-heatedly the new program offered to me.  But I can't be admitted this term because I only have two days to process my application that normally takes two months. Hence I decided to delay my enrollment until the next semester.  It took a great deal of effort to understand the situation, and much faith to  hold on to believing that God's hands is working behind all those delays.  Patience and my total surrender helped me accept that something better is up for me.  

Now I am so much grateful for that delay, as it paved the way for me to help a friend in need, and as a bonus, introduced me to a wide array of business opportunities.  Through the event I spearheaded, I met several hardworking people who share the same passion as mine, and eventually became my business partners.  Wow!  Truly, the Lord rewards us more than what we expect when we entrust our endeavours to His mighty hands.

2.  Our holiday trip to Ilocos was postponed because of a bad weather.  I felt so devastated when the trip that took us months to prepare had to be rescheduled the last minute because of a typhoon.  So we moved our trip to a date that coincides an event that I don't want to attend.  Isn't that fantastic?  I am now saved from creating alibis.

3.  I have been applying for the current post I am holding since 2007 and in fact, I have been rejected twice.  And early this year, without me applying for the post, I was offered by my manager the same job, but this time with a higher rate and rank than what I was applying for four years ago.  See how God works through delays as He prepares you for the best.

From these recent experiences I learned to embrace delays as part of life, sometimes inevitable though really annoying. When things go not according to our plans, our faith and optimism can save us from getting frustrated about life. In short, allowing changes with an open heart and mind, being optimistic and letting the hand of God take over are the keys to a life free from unnecessary worries.

May God bless you through delays. :)

Benefit Bazaar

I always wanted to mount a bazaar. But I never thought my first will be for a cause.

Call for pledges banner

It is so overwhelming to hear the positive responses from the people I tapped for this activity. Everyone's enthusiastic to take part in this sale, as well as looking forward to the improvement of Baby Yzrael's health. 

It is once again proven that during tough times people get together to care for a friend, a brother or sister in the community, or a relative, even if they are in the midst of their own concerns too.  I once got a test message that says, 

"Love won't run out.  In moments when you feel like you have given and given until there is no more of yourself to give, remember that love won't run out. God has an infinite amount of love for you and for you to pass on to others.  Even at times when the well seems dry, God can send a flood.  Let the flood of love wash over you and drench everyone around you."

Indeed, the Lord has flooded this world with so much love.

And may God bless you more.

some plans and some random muni-muni again

Like I always tell my younger friends, it's never too late to change the course of your life.  Before I reached 30, I faced what seemed to be the hardest challenge of my life.  But then, here I am still standing and ready to take the next challenge life has for me.

Since I was a child, I've been lured by the glitz and glamour of showbiz.  I felt like I was born to be on the spotlight, to perform and entertain people.  For me, theater and showbiz is more than passion, it's a vocation. 

I always believed life revolves around this passion on pleasing everyone and making people happy. And that made me pursue a communication arts degree and got myself involved in a theater guild.  Armed with the experiences and learnings from the school and the organization, I landed my job in the TV network and the rest is history.

I am not yet a big shot where I am now, there's still a lot to learn and a lot of people (clients and bigwigs) to deal with.  Though I haven't exhausted everything yet in this job, and with 3 years more before I reach my 10th year of service, I know I need to plan ahead.  What else can I do to make my existence here on earth remarkable (to my standards, at least).

Perhaps due to docu-drama overload here in the office, my eyes were opened to crises underprivileged families in the far-flung areas face.  And with that, I feel the need to make a step to at least help them ease their burdens.  The big question now is HOW?  I don't even know where to start, and what to contribute.

There has been a resonant voice inside me saying I need to make a bit of sacrifice, that is, to leave my comfort zone and reach out to the less-fortunate.  But I am not ready for that yet.  There are still dreams i want to reach, places I want to go to, and things I want to acquire for myself and my family.

After a decade of working in the TV network that exposed me to these social problems, will I be able to face that challenge of leaving the comfortable city life to serve in the outskirts? 

Oh well, 3 years is long enough to prepare and save up for that.  Unless some wicked guy steals my heart, I might not go and serve elsewhere. :p

Anti-RH Bill

I am saddened by the fact that a lot of people are so pro-RH without even reading the entire bill.  Surverys say that around 60% of the respondents are ok with the bill.  But did you know that these same surveys also say that only less than 5% of those who said yes to RH Bill have actually read and understood it? Just plain reading the full manuscript of either the ammended or unrevised House Bill 4244, setting aside religious issues, one can easily conclude that the bill is no good.

Been stormed and bothered by Pros the past weeks that I decided to write down my reasons why I am so against this bill:
 
1. I am against the use of contraceptives.  Call me Manang, KJ or whatever, I don't care.  Because I care more for the health of women like me. Currently, these contraceptives are readily available in health centers, being distributed to women from poor families.  Are these women even oriented of the harmful effects these contraceptives can bring?  I have a friend who once used pills and later developed a lump in her breast.  Her OB gyne (from a reputable hospital) admitted that the lump can be an effect of the pills she herself recommended my friend.

2. Hence, I wouldn't want the taxpayers' money be spent on these.  According to Rep. Roilo Golez, the RH bill is only 99th in the priority list of the Congress.  Now it puzzles me why is there an ardent force pushing this bill be passed soonest.  As a taxpayer, I'd rather have the money be spent on really basic needs like food, shelter and education.  Recently, I watched a documentary on TV showing how poorly managed rural schools are.  There was a school with blackboards and roofs ripped off by the past typhoons. Some children have to walk 7kms or more and cross wild rivers just to reach school since there isn't any in their barrios.  Considering such situations, why is the government slashing the budget for education?  Why aren't there enough books and classrooms?  Don't you think it would be better if we allot the budget for causes like this instead of purchasing contraceptives and distributing them to the poor.  If you ask a beggar on the street, I am very sure he'll choose a cup of rice over a handful of condoms.

3.  Current population is not the cause of poverty.  Corruption is.  The Philippines is very rich in natural resources, our teachers in HEKASI once taught us.  But what happened to these resources? Only a few people has access to the country's God-given riches.  Also, our fiscal reserves that should be used properly for projects that will benefit the people go straight to the fat anomalous bank accounts of selfish corrupt. Just thinking about this wearies me off much. 

4.  Values education over sex education.  Values ed should not only be taught to kids but to grown-ups as well.  What happened to "Honesty is the best policy" posted on the walls of our classrooms when we see dishonesty so rampant these days?  We were taught that telling a lie is a sin but why do we see good actors during hearings, acting as if innocent?  We were asked to memorize the Ten Commandments in elementary but why are crimes so common now?  As grown-ups, have we forgotten what we were taught in school?  With all the negative things happening around, which do you think is more important: Values education or sex education?  As morals are strengthened early in life, people will naturally embody discipline, respect and faithfulness.  And if each of us will practice these virtues, do you think we will still need to be taught sex education?

5. Empower the poor than controlling them.  Instead of considering our people as liabilities, why not see them as assets.  Instead of controlling childbirths, why not empower the poverty-stricken families by teaching them skills to help alleviate their current situation.  More and more people are in the streets begging because of lack of employment opportunities.  Most of them have not even gone to school.  If budget will be allocated to skills training, more people will be able to get the right jobs for themselves here and abroad.  Consequently, these people can later on support their own families as well as contributing to the progress of the society.

6.  Overpopulation is a myth.  We feel the metro is so congested, hence concluding there is overpopulation.  So we love going on out-of-town trips to relish the greens in the countryside.  With this experience, can you say that there is overpopulation when are still areas of undeveloped land in the provinces?  The cities have gone crowded because there are no employment opportunities in the rural areas.  Thus, families migrate to the metropolis in the hope of getting a job to ease their poverty.  If equal job opportunities and infrastructure are given to the provinces, do you think people will take the a gamble in the urban jungle?  Even quality health care is only concentrated in the city.  Once I went to the Philippine General Hospital in Manila and found out that people from the farthest corners of the country come there waiting in long queues for their turn since a medical facility is not available in their province. 

7. Pregnancy is not a disease.  I am deeply bothered by the way RH Bill addresses pregnancy as if it is a dreaded disease.  Sure, pregnant women should be treated with utmost care and health services should be readily and affordably available.  Pro-RH guys keep on insisting that this bill will answer the increasing incidence of maternal deaths.  But did you know that this section on "pre-natal and post-natal care" has already been included in the approved Magna Carta for Women (2009)?  In Section 13, it says that women should have access to: (1) Maternal care to include pre- and post-natal services to address pregnancy and infant health and nutrition; (2) Promotion of breastfeeding; (3) Legal, ethical, medically safe and effective methods of family planning; 

This Magna Carta for Women has already been approved, why then is this aspect of the law not enacted?  If this is effectively carried out, do you think there is still a need for the RH bill? 

Giving our lawmakers a benefit of the doubt, perhaps the RH bill sponsors also have their good intentions.  But in my opinion, with several groups opposing, I think our congressmen should pause and think why after several years, amendments and presidents, this bill remains unapproved and controversial.  I am standing against the RH bill not because I am a staunch follower of the Catholic Church.  In fact, I was once believed that RH Bill is the answer to poverty until I researched and attended several fora that I fully understood what it really is all about.  If you'll notice, I only pointed out objective and medical reasons why I oppose the bill and not focused on the moral implications, otherwise I will sound prejudiced.

I hope this answers why I am fighting against the RH bill and somehow enlightened those who still don't know what their stand is.  For more info, please read http://fightrhbill.blogspot.com/

transition

Im surprised at my morning prayer today. I don't know where it came from but it seems to have sprung from the deepest recess of my heart.

It's funny that the first person i thought of the moment I woke up today is the guy I've been crushing on for almost 2months now. I've met him way way back and never saw him the way i see him now until we got close, became seatmates and chatted for a short yet sensible moment. That was like, my sleeping heart leapt from deep slumber. After that first encounter, i tried to erase every memory of him, still scared to entertain thoughts of a possible lovelife since i just came from a major heartbreak. But destiny is really playing on me. As time went by we became closer and closer, and i got to realize that we have so much in common. And i am even surprised that i can be myself around him: i can chat all day at any topic and goof around without reservation. The tough girl that I am didnt even hesitate to get out of my shell when i am near him.

As i relish this new found friendship, ironically, i pray that my feelings for him would eventually fade. If this person isn't meant to stay long in my life, I hope he'd just go while still in this early stage. After several failed relationships, i don't want this to be another failure. So before I totally fall in love with this person, i pray that I may be given the courage to simply walk away.

Change

People and things change constantly.  And sometimes, these changes cause people to drift apart.

Through the years I've seen changes as they affect me.  Moving out of an old neighborhood, taking a new job, death and losing a loved-one.  Changes, both positive and negative, contribute to who you are at present.

I've gone a lot of change myself, coping with gains and losses in this life.  In every decision or undertaking, there is change.

Feelings, like our surroundings, change.  The people who you esteem so high before may be the person you least admire now.  Couples break apart because of certain "change of heart".  People go astray when there is a shift in priorities.

As change affect me, either positively or negatively, I know I shouldn't fret. Somewhere, someone or something is also changing for me.  Changing to fit my needs perfectly.

And amidst these changes, there is one thing I can count on:  the Love of God is constant .

leader

The challenge of leadership is to be strong, but not rude; be kind, but not weak; be bold, but not a bully; be thoughtful, but not lazy; be humble, but not timid; be proud, but not arrogant; have humor, but without folly. ---Jim Rohn

This week in our household, we discussed the traits that we look for in a leader.  And here are our ideals:

consistent
 - practices what he preaches

persistent
 - and persevering

flexible
 - can adapt to different personalities in the group he is handling

happy
 - not grumpy; diffuses fumes of happiness in the group

open
 - openness to suggestions and being able to put himself in the shoes of other people

genuine
 - can tell you point-blank what's good and bad in you

sincere
 - can communicate with you with utmost sincerity, can emphatize at your highest and lowest moments

humble
 - leadership is service

not self-centered
 - thinks not only of his own welfare but also of others.  Can sacrifice for the group.

Now that a lot of us are being called to be leaders, I hope that when it's my turn to be one, I can be guided by these points so that I can be the best person I can be.

Life is Beautiful

The heading of my post is quite contradicting to what this really is about.  Two years ago, a member of my college organization decided to end her life by jumping off the penthouse (19F) of a hotel.   That was during our group's annual end-of-school-year party.  So while we were all inside the conference room laughing our hearts out, she was out by the poolside, thinking deeply on how will she go through life's challenges.  At her young age of 19, she got fed up with life, and committed suicide.

Everyone thought she could go places, being one of the promising visual artists in her class and one of the best in her batch in the theater guild.  We never thought that her valiant persona was only a facade. Being surrounded with caring friends, also from the org, no one knew she would decide it was game over for her.

That fateful night, everyone's shocked upon hearing the news from her friend crying in hysteria.  The show stopped, the laughter faded, the cheering were replaced by mourning.  Being one of the Ate's in the guild, I was tasked to break the news to the family.  That was the hardest bit.  I was holding her mobile phone, trying to scan possible names I can contact.  Even her Dad was unreachable.  So I opted to contact her aunt and told her what happened as gently as I can, though I know on the other line, her heart breaks intensely.

That same year, my college group was not recognized by the Students Affairs Office and was banned to conduct activities in and out of the campus.  We're sort of suspended because of that incident and with the long hiatus, more and more members disappeared as the academic year passed by.

It has been two years, and now the club's back in grind.  I am glad that despite what happened, a lot of the members, mostly honararies and alumni, stayed for the guild.  And now we are stronger than ever.  I also wonder where this member of ours could have been now if she didn't end her life so soon. 

Two years after that incident, it seems that the memory is still fresh.  Thank God the trauma isn't there anymore for most of us who were there on that tragic night.  Each time I think of that incident, I thank God that I have known Him because I can be like my friend.  Who knows how heavy her loads were so she decided to end her life.  That seemed to be the easiest way out.  But knowing the Lord made me cling on to this dear life with much hope that despite the problems, a bright tomorrow awaits.  It is also comforting to know that we have a God whom we can call on to whenever we are in the deepest recesses of our lives.  Letting God rule my life made me acknowledge my problems and face them with courage, knowing that I can get through them even how difficult they may seem.  After all, "The will of God will never take you where the Grace of God will not protect you."

Forgiveness

In a way, forgiving is only for the brave. It is for those people who are willing to confront their pain, accept themselves as permanently changed, and make difficult choices. Countless individuals are satisfied to go on resenting and hating people who wrong them. They stew in their own inner poisons and even contaminate those around them. Forgivers, on the other hand, are not content to be stuck in a quagmire. They reject the possibility that the rest of their lives will be determined by the unjust and injurious acts of another person



-- Gordon Dalbey - Letter to the Editor, The Christian Century (November 20-7, 1991)
 

I Stand for Life

UST prof gives students points for anti-RH stand - Nation - GMA News Online - The go-to site for Filipinos everywhere - Latest Philippine News


With the RH Bill being a hot topic these days, I saw this article in gmanews.tv.  My favorite Theology professor in college is in the hotseat right now for admitting he gave extra points to students who'll post an anti-RH bill shoutout in their Facebook wall.  In Twitter and Facebook are several comments lambasting Prof. Jalin for encouraging the students to go against the controversial RH Bill.  My viewpoint being a pro-life supporter, I salute him for having the courage to stand and using his influence to help the Church in letting these students realize and understand how perilous and tricky this bill is.


It took me weeks of research and attending several fora on RH bill before I finally made a stand.  It pays to know the arguments of both pro and anti-RH Bill parties and after understanding fully what it is about, I am now a staunch supporter of the Catholic Church against the Reproductive Health Bill.  I even followed the blog http://fightrhbill.blogspot.com/ to get updates.


And just last Sunday, I attended Jason Evert's Real Love Revolution at the SMX.  He talked about not only about chastity and morality, but also touched the hot topic Reproductive Health.


I, being a woman, don't believe that RH Bill is about my health.  After thorough research, I learned that contraceptives have side effects harmful to a woman like me.  The way I see things, the bill is like encouraging everyone to engage in sex with just anybody anyway there are available contraceptives over the counter. 


These are my thoughts, and I can confidently voice out my stand against the RH bill because I know and fully understand the bill.  It is heartbreaking to know that there are some people, especially those without much education, who are standing for this bill hiding under the premise of "pro-poor" when in fact it isn't.  And most of all, I don't want my hard-earned money turned tax money be spent on condoms given for free to just anyone.  There are more important things we should put our focus on, like education, housing projects for the poor, infrastructure and improvement of services and facilities of government agencies, so why spend millions on the implementation of this trivial bill.

Love and Music

My violin teacher announced the dates of the assessment and recital. I should be nervous. But I am not, really.

I am in fact thankful I have a lot of time to practice. Though I will play happy tunes for the recital, contrary to what I’m feeling right now, I welcome it as a good balance to my lovelife’s traumatic aftermath. And at least there is something to be excited about. This March, I will walk up the stage again to perform in front of fellow musicians, hoping I’d do better the second time around. Less pressure since I don’t expect any fans or well-wishers to attend my recital. But of course, I’d love to see someone holding out a bouquet for me after the performance *wish*. The whole Abelardo Hall will light up a thousand twinkling lights, like it’s just him and me there, not minding the teachers and other students gathered in the auditorium. That’s so magical! Then poof! Back to reality. I shouldn’t expect so much, I’d just enjoy every minute of the recital.

The jitters are different from that I get everytime I have a theatrical performance. And this is not the first time I’d step into the limelight with a broken heart. The last time, I even got a best actress nomination.

What does that tell me? Relishing this current state of aloneness gives me more time to focus on my craft. I should not be distracted by the past, and the upcoming romantic interests especially now. I should get my priorities straight. I need to regain every inch of self esteem I lost. And I hope this performance is going to help me a lot.