FB emo-ness

Here are some of my random emo-ness on FB these days:

Don't be afraid to love. To love and be loved is the best feeling in the world. If somewhere in the process of loving you'll get hurt, don't worry, you'll get through it anyway.

God doesn't want you to give up your dreams. He just wants you to allow him to direct you to where you can be happiest.

Destiny...is a relationship--a play between divine grace and willful self-effort. Half of it you have no control over; half of it is absolutely in your hands, and your actions will show measurable consequence. - Liz Gilbert (Eat, Pray, Love)

The hardest battle in life is You vs Yourself. The Ally is also the Enemy. The strongest weapon is also the deadliest attack you need to face. But the good thing is, once this battle is won, the best warrior in you emerges.

A true soulmate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything's that's holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life. A true soulmate is probably the most important person you'll ever meet, because they tear down your walls and smack you awake. 
- Eat, Pray, Love

i dont confiscate happiness.
I spread happiness! :)

Humbled. Grateful. Empowered. Loved. Refreshed. :)

Never expect. Never assume. Never ask and never demand. Just let it be. If it's meant to be, it will happen.

Magnificat

My soul proclaims the greatness of the Lord,

my spirit rejoices in God my Savior

for he has looked with favor on his lowly servant.

From this day all generations will call me blessed:

the Almighty has done great things for me,

and holy is his Name. 
Luke 1:46-49

 

Each time I am called to serve or do something beyond my comfort zone, I always go back to Mary's "yes", and her canticle the Magnificat.

Mary's "yes" changed the fate of mankind, bringing to life Jesus, the Savior.  With great faith and obedience, Mary allowed herself to be used to God's work of salvation.  Without second thoughts, she said yes, entrusting to God whatever will happen next.

When I am confronted with the same dilemma, I look up to Mary with such admiration.  She is my inspiration for obedience and magnanimity, giving all of her in the service of our great God.

On the other hand, saying "yes" does not only entail responsibilities but also opens wide the door to a multitude of blessings.  Being called to serve the Lord is a blessing in itself.  Each time I'm asked by the people around me why I don't get tired of getting myself involved in the several projects for the community, I always say that it isn't a chore at all.  Through these projects I get to know myself more, and at the same time, get the chance of meeting new people and making new friends.  When struggles arise and I'm being stretched to the limit, I hold on tighter to the Lord for courage and strength.  Thus, getting me in deeper union with God.

At the outset, I often feel scared taking on a new task. But the Lord always assures us that we will be provided for with everything we need.  When He calls us, God will equip us with the tools to get our missions be accomplished:  leading us to the right people to help us, providing us with the financial and physical resources, and strengthening in us the virtues of patience, perseverance and humility.

And when "he has looked with favor on his lowly servant" and feel I am unworthy of the attention given to me, I strive to be more pious to combat all the oppressions.  And overcoming those, the more that I realize that the Lord is far greater than all my worries combined.  

Undelivered Note

There is something I'd like to tell you from the very start:  you make my heart leap.  Whenever I see you around, even if you don't notice me, I'd feel giddy.  You are my personal stimulant. You just don't know how much impact you've done to my life and if given the chance to take care of you, I'd gladly accept the job.  Sometimes I'd like to tell you that the person you are looking for is not somewhere else but right in front of you.  Don't go looking for happiness elsewhere, it just within reach, a few steps from where you are.

Most of time I'd hesitate to show you how much I care, thinking that you'll go away once you've learned that all along, since the first few weeks we started working together, I had this thing for you.  You are simply amazing:  you are far wiser and mature than guys your age and your deep-seated faith in the Lord make me admire you more.

But then, I know from the very start, we only intended us to be real good friends and nothing more than that.  But what if we give this a shot?  Hmm.. just a thought. 

For now, I'll just keep praying for you, your concerns and our harmonious partnership and projects together.  And we'll see where this "friendship" will lead us.

Let's hope for the best for both of us.

Pursuit of Happiness

Lately, I've been having recurring thoughts of considering a really unconventional vocation.  Since my last year's encounter with the Dominican Sisters of Saint Joseph at the Bethany Orphanage, until the more the recent one during my birthday, I've been entertaining thoughts of finding deeper happiness there.

And just this past Holy Week, when my friends and I went on a pilgrimage to Regina Rica in Tanay, Rizal that I realized I am experiencing an unfathomable bliss when I go on contemplation.  Also, I find it really intriguing what keeps the sisters of Regina Rosarii in their calm composure even under the extreme heat of the sun. So one Thursday afternoon, I went to their contemplation session in their sisters' home in Scout Fernandez.  We reflected on that week's Gospel (John 20:19-31):  Jesus sending out His peace to the disciples.

The experience was all I needed to refresh myself from the stressful week.  That contemplation session also got me thinking deeper the vocation the Lord wants me to pursue.

For several nights I tried listening to God's voice through my prayer time.  And for more than a week now, the message is the same: His great love.  I realized that because of His great love for each of us, He has planted the desires in our hearts.  The best way to glorify Him is to pursue that dream so that we may lovingly serve Him  best.  All He wants is for us to be happy and be grateful for the blessings He's given us by being good stewards of His creation.  Hence, whatever vocation you choose, do everything in loving service of our Great God.  And from that springs genuine happiness in life.

Great day

Today I am celebrating my **th birthday and I'd like to spend it with you.  Let me bask in your love and realize how deeply I am blessed to have experienced this great feeling.  Just being alive and knowing that you are always there makes me feel content.  I hope to remain this way and I'd love and serve you all the days of my life.

This is my only birthday wish: that forever I will remain in your love and let me share this love to the people around me.

Deja vu

You don't know what you've got til it's gone. How true.

For weeks, or perhaps months already I've been denying to myself the fact that I like this certain person who has immensely shaken my heart from its hermitage.  And now that I think he's beginning to invade this private recess of my life, and soon it will be revolving around him, like my personal Sun in my self-made solar system. And upon realizing this, I would like to take a few steps back because everything is a deja vu.  I wouldn't want to commit the same mistake again and fall in the same pit again.

Ironically, I'm holding on to this feeling yet trying to hide what I really really feel. It is my greatest fear that soon I will lose him.  And sooner than I expected, I will have to let go of him and move on.

My **th Birthday

Next week, I'll be celebrating my **th birthday.  And to make this year's celebration different, I decided to spend it with the kids of Bethany Orphanage and my friends who are kids-at-heart. :)

♥ We Found Love ♥

You are a surprise, a bonus and someone I did not even hope to find in the most unlikely place.  Thank you for making me smile everyday.  Thank you for adding color to my life.  It's like the gray walls and burgundy granite floors turn pastel everytime we walk past them.  Each day, I'd look forward to see you waiting for me at the door.  And in the afternoon, I'm hoping to find you with a cup of coffee ready for me.  

See how much you've changed my boring office routine to something that will make me look forward to go to work.  I really appreciate you being there to listen to my stories, and wacky ideas. I also love to hear how your day went, your dreams and crazy ideas to beat mine.  We really are doing good together, don't you think?

We indeed found love in the place I least expected to find it.  And I hope this one lasts forever.

First Love

They say that first love never dies.  I can also say that it holds true for me.

For several months I stayed away from my passions only to find myself reconnecting to it.

Just recently, I got involved in the production of a short film.  This project is another first for me, though I'm not quite new to this field.  I've been involved in several shoots before but all related to my work as a broadcast producer for promo plugs.  This short film is very close to my heart, not only because I headed the project and wrote the script, but it led to a wonderful discovery that this is one heck of a passion I never dared to give a chance before.  And now, I am glad that I did. I am delighted to know also that my co-director shares the same dream and passion, and it's really good that this project turned someone's vision into reality.

Also, this short film project got me missing college and the university organization that honed me. 

Lately, I've been searching for schools to enroll in again.  Around this time last year, I was applying for a dream course.  But fate won't allow me, and I know why He had to delay my plans.  So now, I've been looking around for some school that offer me a theater arts or a marketing communications masters degree to fit my schedule.

Early this week, I discovered a local theater group with an advocacy program directed to children's welfare.  That really piqued my interest and got me thinking of signing up.  And it made me realize I should enroll in my marketing course soon.  As I recall the personal statement I submitted, my intended research will focus on children's theater.

Last week, I got to play my violin again.  With the callouses in my fingers all gone now, it was hard at first.  On Youtube, the Vitamin String Quartet uploaded several new videos and they got me so inspired again.  Also, I got to download music sheets of Adele's Someone Like You and Bruno Mars's It Will Rain.

With more time in my hands now, I feel that I can focus on these passions that keep me in high spirits. I will continue to perfect my craft, while I wait for the next passion, love interest or activity to occupy my life.

my ironic Great God experience

There are things beyond our control, even when we have prepared well and studied every detail in such obsessive compulsiveness.  Perhaps frustration springs from high expectations from oneself and overconfidence.

This truth I have to accept:  My God is greater than all the experts' powers combined.    After all, the talents we possess are from Him.  I worked with really great professionals in the events field and yet, in just one snap, everything turned out different from what I envisioned it to be.

I learned it the hard way.  I was made to realize this fact in a way that I'd really dwell on the frustration, with guilt hitting me for hurting some people along the way.  Maybe I've gone overboard.  I have been so focused on excellence in my output that I forgot that the best way to proclaim His greatness is through the kind of relationship I had with my team.  Did I become Christ to them during the event?  Or was I the wicked little devil manning the booth with my dirty hands and heart?  

With this, I am deeply sorry.  I may have the best intentions, or the most qualified reasons but the way I had behaved is not excusable.  I just pray that someday, these people I've hurt will realize that I don't intend to demean them.  Those fits are pure work.

How does the Great God enter the picture?  It is when I realized I was wrong, I know I can still make up for those transgressions.  After all, my God is a God of second chances. I may not handle the same event and the same team again but I know I can still channel Christ through my daily activities, words, thoughts and deeds.  

Also, I was made to realize that God was in my life all along though the bountiful blessings He has showered me.  I was taken out of my comfort zone to realize that I was richly blessed with a comfortable life, a good career, sets of great friends, a supportive family and a well-provided life.   Now with this experience, I begin to appreciate the life in front of me deeper and thus, I need to share more with the people around me.

And because I have a Great God, I know that tomorrow will be a better day.  I need not look back.

Happy Hearts

Today we celebrate Valentines Day.  Instead of being bitter and sad because I have no special someone to spend it with, I am excited.  I take this day a chance to examine the posture of my heart.  Instead of frowning upon seeing lovebirds so sweet to other, I relish this day to enjoy singlehood the best way I can. I take it as a blessing, being open to so may possibilities life has to offer.  Being unattached makes me see the best in everyone, not limiting myself to see only the one I'm with as the best.  Thus, I realize that I am surrounded by these beautiful people: caring, generous, understanding and really God-fearing friends I can treasure for life. Among these friends I can perhaps pick out the one, and who knows, maybe he's the one the Lord has been saving for me, and preparing me for.  In the first place, I prefer my future partner to be a real deal of a friend, someone I can have great conversations and adventures with, someone with whom I can share the same passions, support the same causes, and believe and serve the same God.

I know it will be a long and hard process of discerning who is the best partner for me, but with deep prayers and some hard work and patience, I will be led to the one person I deserve, and deserves all my love.

Happy hearts' day everyone.

Springtime

Very apt for what I am feeling right now.  After so many months of contemplating (and some whining in between), I know I have found peace and confidence to face the world again.  The Lord has been so merciful to me that in my journey towards healing, I feel His presence closer and closer each day.

How can I best describe this feeling?  It's really like springtime.  After the autumn and fall in my life , I was shown a multitude of options. And this openness to change has led to where I am now.  I found new friends, some even became my closest and I am sure will stay with me for the rest of my life.  I feel I have attracted the things I pray for. Now, with more time in my hands, I can reconnect with old passions and explore new ones.

Most important of all, I am very much thankful for all the undeserved blessings I received:  finding great business partners, supportive family and a budding love interest.

Indeed, I am richly blessed that I must pay it forward. My only prayer now is that others may see God's greatness through the wonders He's done in my life, being with me during my lowest through the struggles until I reached total healing.

Prayer of Sacrifice

Lord of the Holy Sacrifice, your saving oblation on the cross has given me new life. May I always recall your holy sacrifice on the cross and do it in remembrance of you. When tempted by selfishness, inspire me to be taken as an unworthy sacrifice. When burdened by envy, let me become an instrument of blessing for others. When afflicted by anger and pride, grant me the humility to be broken and given for others. When unsettled by anguish and troubled by worries, give me encouragement.

May your Spirit move my heart to see in your outstretched arms your loving embrace of everyone that I, too, may welcome others with the same love in an open hand. Teach my mind and direct my will to humbly endure the pain of undeserved suffering even when my intent was good and done what is right. May I understand that it is in the holy sacrifice of your wounds that my brokenness is healed. May I see in your sacrifice on the cross not only death and defeat but victory and life.

Loving Father, may the holy sacrifice of your Son cleanse my soul, strengthen my heart, pardon my past and restore me in your peace. May I always adore you by uniting myself in His holy sacrifice, the sacrament of your divine love. May I learn to sacrifice my own comfort, plans and dreams if it is not for your glory and the good of others.

With Mary, the mother of Jesus, who joined her heart with the sacrifice of her Son, may I become a holy sacrifice of love and service for others. Gathered around the altar of love, may all be united in listening to your word and sharing the one bread and cup and become one people, offering one holy sacrifice. Amen.

Fr. Raymond Arre
Parish of the Holy Sacrifice
University of the Philippines
Solemnity of Corpus Christi
June 18, 2006

confession

Here's my journey to healing and moving on:

After almost a year, I still can't say I have moved on quite well.  There are moments I would feel so alone even if surrounded by so many people.  But in this journey towards complete healing, I am more than grateful to my friends who've been with me since the day they first learned of what I'm going through.

I would have some lapses.  Sometimes I'd say I'm ok but my heart is telling me the opposite.  Sometimes it's very hard to pretend that such heartbreak has no impact in my life, when in truth it has.  It has changed who I am, and I'd like to note only the positive changes.  It has made me stronger,wiser and more sure of what and who I want in lofe.

No devastation can change the things I value much.  Not because I am single, I am desperately seeking someone to be with.

And not because I did not end up with the person I've been loving for half my life means I can't love again.

I've been trying to be open and see the goodness in each person I encounter.  I'd like to give every potential a fair chance.  But for as long as you are there and I know you are going through the same turmoil as I am, I can't move on, guilt hitting me harder.  I wish one day I'd just go numb of your presence, because knowing you're virtually there, just a buzz apart, doesn't help at all.

Why am I still affected of your existence?  Maybe because at the back of my mind I know that it will always be you I wish to be with for the rest of my life. 

Thank you 2011

"Grateful for 2011, excited for 2012".

There went my facebook status update last New Year's day.  The past year could have been really tough, in fact a turning point in my life, yet I am greatly thankful for every experience, lesson and friends I gained along the way.  Let me share with you the year that was that greatly affected who I am today.

The first quarter saw a liberating light as I decided to take on drastic changes relationship-wise, irrespective of the painful consequences.  That experience is pivotal in my life as it opened my eyes and hearts to a whole new world of opportunities in career, business, relationships and self development.

Before the first quarter ended, I was offered a job less stressful and more challenging than what I previously had.  It was actually an answered prayer and was a surprise.  That job offer was one of the least expected, since I had no plans of moving to a new post last year. But truly, God knows what is best and I am more than grateful for the career shift.

pictorial after my violin recital

I also had my second violin recital the last week of February.  It felt good because I know I sounded far better than the first time I had my recital, thanks to my ever patient teacher and well-wishers who were present during the event.

By mid-year, I got to participate for a showchoir competition during the Singles for Christ Metro Manila Conference.  And as a bonus, our team won the grand prize.  It really felt good to know that through the endeavor, I helped some people feel good and confident about themselves and at the same time, share the talent the Lord has given me for His greater glory.

baby Jerone at 2 months

Also coincident with the Gloree showchoir preparations, I had my first public violin performance in GMA--a dream come true.  My classmate requested me to play along with her the Mga Kwentong Pambata ni Jose Rizal theme during the General Assembly.  After the event, I felt so elated to receive a lot of positive acclaim from friends and managers in the office.

September1, a new baby in the family was born.  Jerone Andrew, my sisters second son, is the cuddly bundle of joy who now takes most of my weekends.

By September, I got accepted for graduate school but eventually did not enroll due to schedule conflicts. Hopefully, this 2012, I can have my workshift adjusted to accommodate plans to pursue my MBA.

October, my business partners and I launched Sublime, a clothing line for the young, chic and budget-conscious fashionista.  My friends from Singles for Christ and I had put up our company GALZ and started joining bazaars to kick off our clothing line.

To end the our bazaar season, we took a quick break and headed far north in Ilocos.  Here I experienced more of God's love through the breathtaking beauty that was presented in front of me.

at the Paoay church in Ilocos

in Vigan, Ilocos Sur

I got to celebrate the Christmas season with my family, and hosted our first reunion in years.  I know that wherever Mama is now, she is very happy with the way things turned out in our clan after her death.

As of my lovelife, I know 2012 will be a very good year to work on that.  With fervent prayers, I know will find the one I can share my passion with.  For now, I will just continue to enjoy life and relish every moment in love and service of the Lord.